IPL: The new Version Unleashed

Before writing this collection of creative ideas relating to the next season of IPL, I would like to present a disclaimer. Firstly, what I am describing here is not Indian Premier League but Indian Political League so I am not violating any copyrights (I want to be in good books of Mr. Lalit Modi, who knows he may raise a team of techies in next IPL, I don’t want to lose my chance). 

Secondly, all these ideas have been clubbed during a lunch time office discussion in between the hectic times so these should be taken as pure humor only and not as a personal attack on someone (not even on Maya’s elephants and Mulayam’s bicycles). Thirdly, I would welcome all the new ideas to make this League more interesting and entertaining. Lastly, after reading please come forward in auctions of the teams of this league. Trust me, your money will in safe hands and we’ll invest it in building your statues in all the stadiums across the country where your teams will play.

So, the fun begins. The first team is of Lucknow. Behan Maya is the Icon player and undisputed Captain of the team. Ambedkar Park in Lucknow city is the home ground since all other stadiums and grounds are crowded by statues of the skipper. The biggest advantage of this team is that the owner would not have to spend much on the transportation of the team players. Behan Maya would be providing elephants for this purpose. Since, all the money has been spent for statues so one elephant per two players. That’s even cheaper!! Moreover, the owner will be having a right to claim that the millions of rupees spent to buy the team have been given by the “Party Workers”. This claim would keep the I-T department away. So, by any ways this team is the most profitable.

Here comes the second team, Mainpuri. Mr. Mulayam is the Icon player and captain of this team. A premature warning to the bidder- there’ll be no discussion on the vice-captaincy of the team. That would be held only by his son otherwise you will have to buy Mr. Amar’s team. Moreover, competing with Behan Maya, Mulayam has made his team profitable by using cycles for transportation. This is what his winning concept is – to reach the stadium before the players on elephants do and thus win the match by time-out!!! Wow..such an innovative captain. The billionaire who’ll buy this team will be the luckiest. But, player selection will depend on the fact that they are the real sons of the soil who don’t know English at all. After all the captain had made this promise in last time election so this is the time to implement that promise.

Third team is of Bombay…oops…Mumbai. Mr. Raj is the Icon player and the skipper. A warning to the competitors- the skipper is a very serious man and if he doesn’t win then his players would break your head shouting something or other in Marathi which you will not understand. This warning ensures that this team would win all the matches even before playing. The best bet is here for an interested investor. Moreover, transportation profitability can be seen here also. This team will play only in ground of Maharashtra so not much transportation charges. Moreover, cricket kits and bats are already available with the players since they have a good experience of using them in their vandalizing activities. Thus, more profit to the owner. Players must be Marathi speaking and the commentary would be in Marathi only. For this, the owner need not worry, Mr. Skipper would himself do the recruitment.

Finally the best team comes here, Patna. Mr. Lalu is the Icon player and the captain of this team. Sometimes when he’ll be on an outing to some Indian prison his wife would lead the team. The owner of this team would have the least headache in planning the activities for the team since all the players would come from the family of the skipper himself and thus less hard work is needed to search for the players. Moreover, even if this team loses a match Mr. Skipper would produce legal papers to prove that they are the winners (don’t even dare to think that they are fake). Mr. Skipper would also be providing consultancy to the owner on the issues as how to keep the I-T guys away, and that too free of cost. Going a step forward in transportation profitability, Mr. Lalu would provide a train for the players. The fuel would be contributed by the “Party Workers”, thus, the owner need not worry.

Only these few teams are to be introduced this season. Many more would come in the next. Keep Watching!!! All the above ideas have been contributed my innovative co-workers. Thanks to all of them. The IPL season is on and has gripped us in its unending entertainment. Jai Ho IPL!!